Monthly Archives: June 2014

Abortion and the Story of Becky Bell


I was replying to a comment from one of my wonderful readers today, and it made me think of a show I watched on TV many years ago in the 1990s. The series was called HBO Lifestories: Families in Crisis. These shows dealt with pressing issues in society involving kids, families, and communities. They were all based on true stories, with the real people involved interviewed at the end. I’m pretty sure I saw them all, but the one that hit me the hardest and I never forgot was “Public Law 106: The Becky Bell Story.”

Becky Bell was a senior in high school. She and her boyfriend, also a senior, were both good kids and both had earned scholarships to college. They came from good families, volunteered in their community, loved their parents, and loved each other. Naturally, as human beings do, they expressed their love for each other in many ways, including having sex.

Becky finds herself pregnant, though they had taken precautions. She and her boyfriend (I’m sorry, but I do not remember his name, but not because I did not find him important in the story) discuss what in the world they should do. Becky was close to turning 18, in just a matter of weeks, if I recall. Her boyfriend was already 18.

They loved each other and were planning on getting married, but they knew not only would this unplanned pregnancy possibly derail their college plans, but worse, what were their parents going to think. They discuss how disappointed their parents would be with their decision not to wait to have sex, as well as the fact that now a pregnancy has resulted and all their future dreams for their children changed. They decide, though they love each other, they cannot destroy their parents with this news – they cannot risk their parents’ disappointment, and loss of trust, respect, and love.

They decide a secret abortion is the way they must handle this. Though they are adults in some respects, they are also still just kids, trying to find their way, lacking experience and the skills to understand the consequences of their actions. Because Becky is not yet 18, and due to Indiana’s Public Law 106, she must either have her parent’s consent or get a judge’s permission. Again, telling her parents, in her mind, would be so devastating that she had to figure out how to do this without them knowing. The judge would not grant her permission, insisting Becky speak with her parents. Becky & her boyfriend decide there is no way on earth they can tell their parents.

Becky can ask to see another judge, but since time is of the essence, it would take too long to get on another docket. She heard about a place that did them illegally, across the state line if I recall. Regardless, she takes a bus several hours away to have the procedure, and then takes the bus back to where she parked her car. Once she returns home, she is obviously not well, running a fever.

The next day, she is still quite ill, yet tells her mother there is no need to go to the doctor, she just has the flu or something. At one point she gets up to go the bathroom, and there is blood all over her bed. Not knowing any better, she thinks she is having her period, so a doctor would not know she had been pregnant.

As she gets out of bed, and staggers to the bathroom door, she shouts, “Ok, mom, I’ll go to the doctor, if you want.” Then she collapses on the floor. Her parents find her, she is rushed to the hospital, where she subsequently DIES. A beautiful, smart, caring, loving young woman with great promise loses her life. This family loses their daughter, and I am sure felt full of blame, as well as the young man who was in love with her.

As I am watching this, my four-year-old daughter is playing within eyeshot. As I look at her, I think – This could’ve been me. This could’ve been any of my friends. This could be my daughter someday. On that thought, I cried as if I knew Becky Bell personally. I’m sorry, but to me it was personal. The thought of anyone losing their daughter this way was soul-wrenchingly horrifying to me.

Should Becky have talked to her parents – yes certainly she should have. BUT she didn’t. Should she have been having sex as a teenager in high school – probably not, but do you actually remember what it was like to be a teenager? Right wrong good bad – they do it – it’s human nature.  Should she have died for these mistakes, poor decisions, and short-comings? Absolutely not!!

I am not trying to change your mind about your beliefs, just hoping you realize women who find themselves in positions where they feel this is the only choice they can make at the time for whatever reason – these women are not murderers, nor are they happy or thrilled, or remotely proud or comfortable with their decisions. They do, however, feel that they are backed into a corner with no other solution – desperate. EVEN if there was a better solution, they didn’t see it at the time! Have we not all been short-sighted at some point in time?

Do I agree with them – maybe not. But I will not call them sinners.

I am not perfect, and I can be on occasion judgmental – but I am not God and it is not my job to approve of or forgive these women for what many call a sin. This is why I am pro-choice. This is why I do not think middle-aged men in suits should make healthcare and life-changing decisions for women, particularly women they do not know.

Walk a mile in their shoes first – and let thee who has not sinned cast that first stone.

They are all somebody’s daughters.

I don’t know – just something I was thinking about . . .

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What I Don’t LIKE


Stream of Consciousness Saturday Writing Prompt

This week’s prompt word is “like.” Any way you want to interpret it, “like” always.

I like so many things, as such a variety of things bring me incredible joy. I do find joy in all the little things that surround me! I can tell you what I don’t LIKE though:

I don’t like dishonesty.

I don’t like people who are closed or small minded.

I don’t like people who show favoritism when it is not appropriate – like between your kids or grandkids, or employees. etc.

I don’t like when people are disingenuous.

I don’t like mind games.

I don’t like pollution or chemicals.

I don’t like traffic.

I don’t like thieves.

I don’t like grudge-holders.

I don’t like it when the system only works for those who know how to abUSE it.

I don’t like when people re-write history trying to forget their bad behavior.

I don’t like rats, roaches, or anything that bites or stings.

I do like the blessing of waking up every morning & being able to get to the bathroom by myself 😉

Just something I was thinking about . . .

This post is part of SoCS: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/06/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2114/

 

Today’s Random Ramblings


Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary. We have actually been together for almost 36 years. Though we both truly feel we are each other’s soul mate, marriage is never an easy journey, kinda like life. I am always shocked when couples give up so soon, but understand it is a lot of work to sustain a long term relationship, regardless of how much two people love each other.

Most times, things just don’t always fall easily into place all the time. Couples tend to forget what drew them together in the 1st place. Often, they gave each other the nourishment they each needed to flourish – this was truly the initial attraction and draw to each other. As time goes on and the relationship changes, this basic integral premise for the relationship is forgotten and lost, as well as some of the bond that holds the relationship together.

Marriage is hard work, just like life, and anyone who tells you different has probably never been married for any length of time, at least not to one person. Having said all that, I do realize there are times that it is necessary to give up and walk away, or run . . . depending on the circumstances.

Different subject –

I have pets and treat them as family. I also realize many people are choosing to have pets, as opposed to children. I can understand that, too. But, today was National Take Your Dog to Work Day. Seriously?? Enough said . . .

My girlfriend took me out for a few margaritas tonight. We went to a place I tend to frequent. The waitress, though not one of my regulars, must have recognized me and seemed to cater more to me, though sometimes she treated us both pretty sloppily. My friend complained to me, at the same time expressing how sorry she was for bitching about it. I reminded her she rarely gets upset over this kind of thing and I certainly understood how she felt.

When our waitress brought the bill, she handed it to me and I immediately handed it to my friend and said, “She’s paying tonight – that’s the kind of good friend she is!” The waitress immediately mentioned seeing me there previously with my family. My friend just laughed, and as the waitress walked off, said, “That isn’t going to help her tip any.” My friend did leave her more than 2 cents – a tip she has left when her service really sucked, which I think is funny as hell – but she didn’t leave her but maybe 10%.

When I get bad service to the point I am reducing their tip, I usually leave them a little note – what my husband calls a novel 😉 – on the receipt telling them why they were under-tipped. I do this to ensure they know why I didn’t tip them well and because management typically looks at the receipts at the end of the night. One time when I did this, the next time I visited that establishment, I got the same waiter and he apologized for his previous lack of attentiveness, promising a better experience. He did as he promised and got a great tip! (Okay, I did know the owner of this particular establishment, but . . .)

Point being – don’t make assumptions that can come back and bite you in the ass. Our waitress assumed I was paying and I always tip well – but this time I wasn’t paying and her lack of attention to my friend, and our table in general to some degree, cost her.

Last but not least, I have to mention something that was all over the news today. There is some guy who got arrested by the Stockton Police Dept. The police department has a Facebook page where they posted the pictures of him and a couple of other guys. This is getting national attention because the guy’s mugshot makes him appear to be quite handsome, in a striking sort of way – he does look like model material, big full lips and the most beautiful ice blue eyes. I am pretty persnickety when it comes to finding men handsome and even I thought he had striking features.

So as I am looking at his mugshot on TV and noticing how beautifully ice blue his eyes are, I also noticed he has a teardrop tattooed on the corner of his left eye, and I am fully aware of what that means.

I went and checked the FB page his picture is on and so far he has over 80,000 likes, over  10,400 shares and over 22,600 comments. Just like on the blogs, I find reading the comments to be amusing, interesting, eye-opening whatever. A large percentage of these likes, shares, and comments are about how hot he is, and how all these women want to do him and how he is so sexy, he needs to be set free, and other such bullshit. There has even been a GoFundMe page set up in his honor, and so far over $1800 has been collected in less than a day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for redeeming oneself, and all that and I am not even passing judgment on him per say as I do not know the specifics of his arrest. What I am interested in is how society and its use of social media are spinning this story. I always find that aspect fascinating!!!

Anyway, all I could think of as I saw his mugshot was, I bet your heart is as icy as your eyes, and you have already marked yourself for the world to see with that teardrop tattoo.

For you ladies who think like this (OMG he is so hot . . . etc) – just remember – he might fuck ya, then be done with ya, and slit your throat – then again maybe not . . .

But why chance it.

I don’t know. Just some things I was thinking about today . . .

(P.S. – Though the service wasn’t the best tonight, the margaritas were awesome!!! 😉 )

Looking for Signs


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Typically I write about things going on in the world. Today I’m pondering the strangest things. So my dishwasher quit working a few days back. Gotta love when things go wrong and you are not expecting it or it is a problem (for whatever reason). So my husband had to pull out the dishwasher and try to repair it – which he was unable to do.

BUT, the most random thing happened. In all the strange and out of the ordinary things that have happened lately, today was a bit trippy. After the dishwasher was pulled out and messed with, a few margaritas were had to celebrate the fact that we could not repair it and it will need replaced – meaning we will be washing dishes by hand for a while. We celebrate odd things around our house – and after a few margaritas, I was buzzing pretty good and not feeling quite so bad about the dishwasher anymore, and I happen to look down, and I found this little piece of copper lying on the floor. It’s so small, it’s barely the size of a third of my fingernail.

The minute I find it, I recognize where it is from – a favorite pair of copper earrings I haven’t worn in over 3 years because I had lost a piece – the piece I happened to find tonight. I have to admit, in light of all the bullshit going on, this was amazing since this was one of my favorite pair of earrings that I got compliments on all the time, and had quit wearing because I had a lost a piece of one of them – though refused to throw them away. Needless to say, I thought it was lost forever – so finding it, and finding it in this manner was, may I say, so fucking random!

I was just thrilled about this find – I am pretty easy to amuse most days! I know this seems like such a small thing, but for some reason, I felt this was a turning point. We all find signs where we want, and this was a sign for me that things are going to be looking up, that unexpected joyful things are going to keep happening. I hope I am correct in this assumption. BUT even if I’m not, I now have one of my fav pieces of jewelry back in service. These earrings probably didn’t cost me but about $15 or thereabouts, but it’s just the fact that after all this time, I found the missing piece.

Then today, I discovered the most wonderful tenants in my huge fig tree in my back yard. Four small owls; I think they are fledglings. I was so excited to know they have been living there. That may be what my dog was going ape-shit over last year, too, and I just didn’t notice them. I hear they are habitual about where they nest, so hopefully they will return next year, too. I can only hope so! I consider these little owls to be a sign of hope for new and exciting things in the future, if I am curious enough to pay attention.

Like I said, we all find our way and our signs in different places. What about you? What do you think?

Just something I was thinking about . . . .

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And I get the image credits today 🙂 

Feeling Spanked


There are times in life when things are going well, then all of a sudden out of the blue, when you least expect it – feels like a mushroom cloud over your head while you are choking on the fallout. Definitely been feeling a bit slapped around lately 😉

Then I remind myself . . . I am stronger than any shit that gets thrown at me!! (Just thought I would share that, in the event anyone else out there is feeling the same!!)

Party on Wayne . . . Party on Garth . . .

Just something {random} I was thinking about . . .

I’m Confused – to say the least


I have no idea what to make of this Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl situation. Let me start by saying as a human being and a mother and sister, I am very happy they were able to bring him home. I am also a firm believer in leave NO man behind.

Now having said that, as the ever-questioning cynic and realist that I am, what is going on here? Why would we ever exchange FIVE Taliban commanders for one sergeant, especially after all this time? What has changed? Who is this Sgt. Bergdahl and what does he know? What has he been exposed to?

What do these Al-Qaeda guys know? Have they been given lobotomies? Have they been implanted with tracking devices so invasive that removal would cause death? (Just curious WHY we would release them if they are Taliban commanders.)

Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to insinuate in any way that Sgt. Bergdahl’s life isn’t worth saving – I just don’t understand why it was done – it doesn’t make sense. What precedent does this set? This is not our government’s normal protocol, as best I can tell. Maybe I am misinformed, or maybe I don’t understand how things are done. I’ll admit, I have never been in the service, nor in a war zone.

Now I am hearing Bergdahl  was a deserter, and possibly a traitor – and that this was known by those making decisions to barter his release. It was negotiated, but it was bartering just the same. Not sure what to make of that, though I am totally just thinking aloud here, as I write. Is this just a small cog in a larger machine, or is this just a simple confused young man who ended up getting lucky after all – or something in between? Yeah, I know, I should write fiction with the way my mind works 😉

I am sure there will be many new developments as time passes. In the meantime, I am off to read more about all the hoopla surrounding the execution drugs used by the U.S.

Anyway – just something I was thinking about . . .