Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: young, old, or anything to do with age.
When I was young I was fearless! I mean really truly fearless and as wild and free-spirited as an unbroken pony. As I got older, and had my child, my mindset changed. I was now responsible for another life, one that was helpless and knew nothing. I was also responsible for ensuring that I kept myself healthy and safe, as this new little person was dependent on me for everything.
As she got older, I must admit, I got even more cautious, as the world became a scarier place than when I was a child. I had a great many fears and concerns about the world and how it might affect my child.
Now my child is an adult, and she has two little girls, and I am even more concerned about their future as the world continues to change in ways I do not feel comfortable with. There are way too many bad things and bad people out there, especially for two little innocent babies.
Being unemployed and having no health insurance has made me even more vigilant and cautious about the things I do and the places and situations I put myself in. I have a lot more to lose than I did in my 20s and 30s.
My husband and I laugh sometimes because my daughter thinks I am so over-protective. She has no idea what a free spirit I used to be! I think she would be shocked, if she had any idea!
I’m also getting weary of holding my tongue, something I never did when I was younger, but once I hit my 40s, realized it was better not to say everything I was thinking – some people don’t appreciate honesty and bluntness. But after so many years of holding my tongue, sometimes I feel like there’s a rug on my back and people are just wiping their feet on it . . . (Maybe one of the many reasons I started blogging!!)
Next month, in a couple weeks as a matter of fact, I will have a birthday – turning 53 this year. I can honestly say that I certainly am feeling the years. Things creak and crack a lot, and some of my hand strength has diminished. I have been so cautious for so long, I feel a wild hair burning in my soul and I am chomping at the bit to do something a little crazy, a little wild, a bit spontaneous. I can feel that fire burning inside me.
Something’s coming – maybe something unexpected, maybe not, who knows, but . . . I can feel it!!
Just something I was thinking about (unedited 😉 ) . . . ☮